Archive | December, 2011

Fuck apologizing its classwar!!!!!

31 Dec

dedicated to someone who knows what its like!!!

So im broke and the frideg is semiempty except for jellied pigs, which i hate and I have no smokes, so i call my friend Joel and ask him to lend me 60 bucks, hes like sure, but he has his own shit to do and those jelly pig parts are looking nicer and nicer, since our dishes r dirty cause both me and my dad are not that well i use an aluminum bowl fill it with water extract three frozen hotdogs from the bottom of the freezer and start cooking, bad idea, the plate starts burning shit starts smoking and I dontr have a smoke, i call my friend he says hes on his way, bvut he always takes forever. I get bored and call an ally and ask, seriously most of your crew dont care what goes down in terms of my charges, and he says yeah its true, im like no worries thats what I thought. Joel comes over and gives me the money and we drive to his house to watch movies. I forget the money at my house so he lends me another ten get smoke and pepsi, most of the day im hearing about how people are attacking and critisizing my friends cause they bare “addicts” or in pain and they” fall off the wggan. I light a smoke and start feeling better. I go on mas and talk to someone i really respect and its the same old same/ People who are suppose to be are allies dont like us and want to save us cause were are not this mythical perfect proletariate. We dont behave the way that we should according to kropotkin or whoever the fuck is cool these days. If only we learnt to behave and be good worker bees and act like revolutionaries. As if our lives and very survival isnt revolutionary enough. Sorry io dont have nice black hoodies and dont brush my hair, i dont have money or time, sorry that i swear or dont check my spelling, my computer is broken and if i wanna get my shit out i only get one shot.; Sorry im in pain and cant come running to your every wihim or if i do with the aid of opiates i an addict. Fuck that shit. The issue is the work we do and defending our community, not to look perfect, smile and be a nice revolutionary. Sorry if the fact6 that i lost a friend to fentnol last week is too much of an incoveniance and you would rather have me discuss what i think of the latest article on why those who Sorry iif some of my blogs im too dark, my lifes not perfect. Sorry if im ashamed that i dumpster and think poor people should have right to buy food as opposed to eating the trash of the rich.

Im fighting to abolish poverty and i will do it with what i have my body and my friends and if thats not good enough fuck your perfect revolutionary that only exists in your head. Im hear to win not look nice!!!!

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Callout for Jan 4th celeberation of Cuban Revolution, long live the friendship of streets and elderly

30 Dec

Jan. 4th 5:30 74 Church Street Kitchener
Celebrate New Years, Celebrate The Victory over U$ Imperialism, Long Live The Friendship of the streets and Elderly

On Jan 4th at 5:30at 74 church St. Kitchener Street people and elderly people are holding a celebration to ring in the new year and celebrate the defeat of U$ imperialism and the flight of Batista. There will be free food Cuban music and sharing of stories. One of the speakers who lived under Batista and saw Liberation with her own eyes will tell us about the spirit of Che and why his example is most important today when capitalism is attacking all those who see the world diffrently. By doing this we reject the notion that the capitalist class gives us about elderly people being senial and youth being criminals. Today both elderly people and youth are criminalized and marginalized. Elderly people are forced in homes, youth are forced into jails, Elderly peopl are not listened to youth are told that there conserns mean nothing. We reject this notion and reclaim our history which capitalism robs us of. They say the youth is the future, but at the end of the day we see what are future is by how the eldelry are treated.

Long Live The Friendship of Elderly and Youth
Long Live our common history!!!!
Che Vivier!!!!

Dealing with drugs as a social issue and the battle of ideas

29 Dec

Today when i woke up I was very happy, i remebered that at the old age home there was someone who¬†lived through¬†stalingrad, he was like 11 or a little older and i thought of showing enemy at the gates, having him speak and then talking about fighting us imperialism which is moving towards war and facism. I met my friend for coffe who is a few years older then me and just felt like crying. He is very intellegent, an artist, homeless and an amazing person. He also gets very depressed because life sucks when you are poor. Several years ago he held a dieing firend in his arms who OD’d and could not get help becuase the housing units didnt have phones to call an ambulance and a phone could have saved his friends life. My friend , the artist was telling me that there is no reason to live because he is homeless, brutalized and has no support, and I knew that all the cajolling and Julians book of tricks will not save his life and i feel that i may have just saw him for the last time. I tried to get him to talk to someone, I tried to bully and ask favours from every community worker, social worker, professour or buerocrat I know to find a solution to his problem. He agreed to wait until we get some results before he does anything stupid. The problem I encountered today is that the people there to “help” poor people have there hands tied because of the big beurocracy that does not seek a solution to the problems that people are facing but rather has become an industry that makes moeny off of the suffering of others. Many front line workers who i talked to said as much. The richest country in the world does not give a fuck if poor people die and those in the poverty industry have become pimps, who make there living off of the suffering of others.

Many people who know me know I think that drugs are a scoial issue and shoud be dealt with as such. In other words, until we deal with the root cause of addiction and create alternatives we are banging our heads against the wall. I am against addiction and drugs do ruin our community, but I do not hate the addict or the person who sells small quantitys of drugs because they have no other way to survive or they buy into the bullshit dream of idolizing murderers like scarface aka poossada carriles, a real terrorist who organized operation condor and states openly I put the bomb on the 747 that killedd 77 cuban athletes so what, or other mass murders like pablo escobar who organized the para militarys in columbia. No these people are victims of a brutal system and unless we deal with the root cause drug addiction will grown, people will die and our communittys will be destroyed. So how to deal with this problem. In stratford, where we worked with other official group we interviewed hundreds of people who were parents of drug addicts, victims of drug addicts, drug addicts and front line workers to come up with 50 points, Many of which we implemented successfully in coordination with other groups others which we did not. Basicly our program was 1. for people not yet into drugs create alternatives drug free cultural events, teach them about music writing etc. let them develop there skills and stop them before they start 2. for those that are addicted teach them to use drugs safer, help them if they choose to ween off of drugs and give them something to hope for to motivate them to stay off of drugs. 3. for those dealing small quanitiys create alternatives such as projects like magazine articles etc. and use there skills to get off of the street and reintegrate them into society. We didnt get toimplement all our points but at the hight of this movement we saw good success. In Kitchener and guelph we are trying to do the same thing with little to no funding constant attack from the state and severe repression because of our revolutionary politics. These same politics of hope motivate people to get off of drugs, stop fighting each other and fight the state that creates the miserable conditions that we live in. Currently we are working on a magazine with street youth and students to get people to tell there stories find a legitamte source of income and give people hope. We have several other projects on the go including reintegrating street youth with elderly people of low income etc.

Our analysis has been heavily influenced by the battle of ideas that the youth in Cuba have taken up as a result of the collapse of the soviet union, loss of 85% of trade, the Helms Burton and trecceli act aimed at starving the revolution into submission and other mesure that the empir have taken against Cuba which lead to the special period. During the special period Cuba was forced to adapt, open up to tourism which while bringing in lots of posative things also brought in problems that the revolution has eliminated like drugs prositituion etc. The special period was an economic crisis that stoped much industry, froze transportation and on average has lead to people losing 15 pounds or more. In this dark times the call came out that if socialism is to survive it cant in a vaccum and the only way to do this battle with ideas. Since socialism is a more humane system instead of reverting to capitalist neo liberal policys we will fight a battle just as important as the battle in sierre mestra, which is tyhe battle of the justness of socialism in the ideological front. the battle of ideas mobalized the Cuban people to create schools of social workers who were sent to live with familiys find out what the problems were abnd come with a solution. My friend was one of these brave youth who went forward and I remember him telling me of one family whose dad became an alcoholic and stole his childs rations to sell on the black market for booze, the social worker mobalized the family and community and dealt with the problem of alcoholism with in community while the child and family were kept together and now he is a productive member of society. I think that CAS can learn alot from this example. Sending and training a social worker to every single family in havana and then later implementing this project acrross cuba while the US boot is on there neck, while terrorist attacks are carried out by so called “dissidents” targettingg hotels schools and hospitals killing an italian canadian while our state is silent shows that if the people are mobalized and actually look for solutions the immpossible becomes practicle. Cuba has never exported one single gun to canada or has given one single penny to the anti globalization movement or anti poverty movement, instead it armed our movement through something that is more dangerous to the capitalist class, its example, what can be achieved by a small country under attack if the people are mobalized. That is why Cuba is attacked in the media, that is why Raul is demonized and they try to say that Raul and Fidel are at odds. We who are fighting know that is bullshit and we dont need the national post to tell us lies about who Raul is or how the Cubans should build socialism.

The shame about this propaganda is that it flkys in the face of facts. When the July 26th movement started and later in those days of mexico where they were preparing to launch the gramma there were only to people that identified as Communists , the rest called themselves nationalists and were fighting against U$ hegemony. Those two people were Raul and Che. It was through struggle that Fidel and the movement realized that the only way to liberate themselves from U$ rule was to liberatethemselves from capitalism. Now the media is trying to tell us that Raul is not a true communist and that there battle for efficency is a betrayal of Fidels ideas? Fuck that, we who struggle know the truth that the desisions at the 6th congress have nothing to do with the betrayal of the revolution but rather are about strenghtening the Cuban economy to withstand the attacks of the empire. Yes they would love to smear Cuba in the eyes of the peoples of the world but that is never going to happenned because the revolution has created people like Che, Haydee Santamaria, Raul and Fidel. That will Never happenned because the revolution has produced people who wiped out illiteracy in one year by going to the country side and educating the people, that is because Cuba has created such people as my friend who would be mobalized to deal with the social problems of the society and come up with solutions to the problems they are facing. Che’s ideas of the new person is not dead but lives in the hearts of every pioneer who says Pioneers for socialism we want to be like Che. The example of the Cuban revolution can never be stolen from oppressed peoples across the world an we await the day that we create our own society, learning from the example of the new person created in Cuba and dealing with our own reality to build socialism according to our material condition!!!!

Long live the example of the cuban revolution!!!!
We stand with Fidel and Raul!!!!!!!!
We shall overcome Venceremos!!!!!!

Call for court support Jan 11th, if we are going to waste the states money, lets do it at the bar!!!!!!

29 Dec

Court Support and Press confrence Jan 11th, 8:00 am front steps old city hall bring flags and colors of resistance!!!!

in every first wolrd their is a third and every third world there is a first-7th congress

Our revenge shall be the laughter of future generations of children-Bobby Sands

On january 11th, i am again suppose to present myself to her magesty and cower tremble and fear, again I will hold high my bright red banner of revolution and refuse to break!!!!!These charges are political, and i am being targetted not because of what I did but rather for what I believe, I am a Marxist Leninist, I was a Marxist Leninist and will be a Marxist Leninist till i die and no pig, jail or state will break my resolve. As a revolutionary I demand political status for all my comrades in the belly of the beast, and as a settler who benifits from the ongoing genocidal war against the indigenous population of this territory, I demand POW staus for all indigenous peoples in jail in this territory due to the fact that all indigenous people who are messed up are messed up as a result of the genocidal war that is continueing today.If they are forced into economic rights it is because the settler state is interfering with them exercising ther herdeitary rights and there right to deterimine there destiny. If there are substance abuse issues it is becuase oif the ongoing genocide that driectly benifits the settler state. If you dont believe me that the genocide is still ongoing look to Calednoia, Stoney Point and Gustafsun lake, Look at the plight of urban indigenous youth, look around to the fact that we are here today in a territory that other peoples have previously inhabited. i demand this because without this political staus for settler prioners is just another way in which settlers benifit from the system at the expense of others and I if all indigenous prisoners are not granted POW status according to the geneva convention then political status is an empty victory and just another way in which settlers deny there own holocaust.

Political status is something that is achievable if people fight for it. Here in Canada conciensious objector staus for people was not handed to the people on a plate but rather was something that was won by mennonites and dukkabors who refused to where the military uniform, hunger struck and foght back using there ownly tools at there disposal, there bodies. The same british crown that is jailing and attacking us has granted political status to the Irish Republicans due to politicla people that died for that status. We have that caselaw history and in our hearts we have the resistance and fire burning to win this battle and win it we will, not cause we want to be special and cool and all but we want the state to admit the fact that there are political prisoners in Canada and act acordingly.

The main battle at the next court appearance will be for my right to assemble legal assitance of my choice and my right to consult with other lawyers to prepare my case.Currently i cant do this because to get my own disclosure i had to sighn a document that I would only share it with my client which is myself. I was told this at four oclock with no one from the crowns office other then buerocrats being there, and i was told that it just meant i recieved the disclosure, of course i read it before i sighned, but this was before reading the disclosure and at that point it was sighn and get it or dont sighn and we keep it. You dont mess with the beurocrats they will just make you wait longer and screw with you. Talking to other lawyers i found out that it is common for them to consult with other lawyers and show or reffer to the disclosure. Given the fact that I am julian ichim I will follow the letter of the law until the court tells me otherwise. Still i do have the right to legal consultation and if i chose to have a lawyer (which at this time i dont) i couldnt even give it to him. Consulting other lawyers will save the court time and money. Chosing to go further and save the court money i chose to call mister miller, the crown tell him what my plan was and ask him to see if we can figure out this simple thing by phone. He has yet to return my calls. From this peace of information I feel that the crown has no problem wasting the states money with pointless argueing in court. Given the fact that 1.2 billion dollars was spent on security and countless millions on getting 6 convictions, none for conspiracy it seems to me the crown feels the state is made of money. i look to our simple bar tabs from nights with Khalid the police agent and get the feeling that this is the attiutde of all state employees. Plus harpers genocidal wars in Lybia to show the world what happenneds if you stand to the U$, the war preparations for invasion of Syria and Iran and it seems that money just grows on trees, but I walk through my neighbourhood and every service that can help people the state has no money for. Shetlers are full , the waiting list for housing is at least one year and methadone programs and other badly needed services there are waiting lists that are so long you will die of a drug overdose before you get the help you need because there is no money. The special diets that low income people who need them for medical reasons and some can get sick and die without them are cut because there is no money, schools are closing because there is no money, docters are scarce and medical services are fewer and fewer because there is no money. Yet not only is our state wasting money on these political cases such as mine, but they are selling the resources of this territory with pipelines in inuvuik and refusing to back up local 1005 against U$ steel, destroying the very basis of manufacturing in this country. Where are the jobs that the arrow factory use to provide, where are the jobs that Kaufmans use to provide, why are even the pawn shops and dandys closing in downtown kitchener? cause the state is destroying the back of the manufacturing sector, maning that working class people cant buy shit and the stores are closing. Those people buying condos downtown arent going to buy downtown there too scared to walk the streets which is why the state hires more and more cops and is building a new court house downtown. The state has no money to invest in saving the industry but they have money to attack the people at Caledonia when they stand up for what is there. The state has no money for single mothers forcing some that I know to sell there bodies for food and diapers but they have money to jail Alex Hundred, Adam Lewis Erick Lankin Leah Henderson Mandy hiscocks and everyone else. The state has no money for drug rehab and methadone programs but has money to build a new jail to house them and other poor people forced into crime cause the present system offers them no solutions. This is unacceptable and in and of itself is political. How many free meal programs could we have run with just one nights drinking money payed for by the state through Khalid and Brenda, how many units of affordable housing couyld be built with the money spent on survallance on people like me. How much good can come from saving the courts money by having miller return my calls and figuring out what we can out of court. You want to know how to stop protests like the g20, take that 1. 2 billion dollars, invest it in communities like mine, end poverty and exploitation and land theft and people will have nothing to protest!!!!!!!Rebuild our manufacturing base, deal wioth the hereditary rights of the indigenous peoples of this territory on a nation to nation basis. Empower the people to participate. U til you do that you will kepp thowing away money and draining the economy to enrich yourselves and jail and rob the people. Fuck if your gonna just waste state money lets do it khalid style at the bar, at least that way i will have some fun.

Happy new years and please try to stay out of jail!!!

28 Dec

I woke up this morning and realized I had to go to waterloo to do some running around, so I called my budy to accompany me. Now my friend is a green republican through and through and some of the stories he could tell you would make laurel street look like beachwood. So hes trying to convince me to go for one or two drinks, and im regaling him with stories of the othernight and how i got into a not so friendly fight with a british friend of ours after two 26ers, we kissed and made up then i puked all over his floor. So im like i kinda desreved it cause I was yelling slogans at him and ranting about brits out. My boys like nahhhh fuck britain and there queen and there fuedal bullshit system. So we joke around abit and get a ride from a friend of mine who was IDF in the 1960’s, but quit cause of all the bullshit and atrocities. He hates politics, hates the military and just wants to live his life. But you dont hang out with julian without talking about politics, and then the drivers like why dont you change your name to Julian trouble cause most people run away from cops and people with guuns but you run at them. My republican friend is laughing and like thats julian, then pulls a flask out of his coat and offers the driver a drink. We screw around waiting for the beurocrats and my friend sees some palestinians which starts him on a rant about the friendship between Palestine and Ireland and how Ceausescu should have done more to support the third world movement, to which i reply that the occupatuion of the American embassy in Iran was led by students who were trained in Romania and that funny language that no one understood was Romanian. Much to the discomfort of everyone else we start reading the paper a la Julian…. The local section is talking about how cops are quitting cause they are understaffed and our analyisi is that to push the harper agenda they need more money so they are scaring everyone into giving them more money and more cops, there are articles on Iran and Syria, in other words they are preparing aggression against these regimes to get rid of all nations that dont serve U$ interests to encircle China and Russia. Of course theres something about Kim Jung IL and how brainwashed the North Koreans are to justify the military buil up on the Korean Peninsula next to China. Which gets us to talking about Gaddafi, whom my friend calls a good chap and I state the only reason they took him out was not due to any internal issue but to teach the world a lesson what happenneds if you back up politically all anti imperialist movements such as Cuba, Chavez and Republicans in the six occupied counties. This definatly gets us looks so we leave and run into someone from the old country. Now if you think im blunt, i want you to meet her. She wants me to organize a protest so she can burn her strawberry patches and have the right to open up a local backery without a buisness license, as well as has a variety of other complaints. Shes like call Davin hes good and jews make good lawyers. Im trying to explian to her why that statement is so wrong, but she doesnt get it. Shes like some of the best communists were jews, and im like dont let the wrong people aka the nazis here you say that. After realizing that i cant convince her that what she is saying is not cool. i run into a friend of mine from Columbia and we talk about how the government there is attacking The FARC-EP, Murdering the union of Coca growers and backing up dirty tricks against Venezuela and Boliva. He asks me if my sisters single and I joke around about that then ask him about his. I catch a cab home and the driver is asking if im ok with all thats been going on and my mom and all of that, she says as i get dropped off Happy New Years and please try to stay out of jail at least for the holidays.

Some people have seen some of my darker blogs and wounder am I ok how can i cope etc. i feel Im ok, I laugh and joke and live, but I dont know anything else. All my life i have had to struggle so I dont know what its like not to struggle. All my life Ive lost friends so I dont know what its like not to have emotional pain. All my life i have been political so I dont know what its like not to be political. I cant look at something and turn off my political view because everything around is political and influenced by the society we live in, from the food we eat or not eat cause we are broke to housing to drug addiction and violence, right down to our entertainment. Its all part of the system that we are living under and molds our very thoughts. So how ccan one not be political when one is bombarded on all sides by imperialism, capitalism and colonialism? We are on this land today because of genocide thats still going on, so in lew of these facts one has no choice but to be political. Yet despite whatever shit ive been through I feel im ok, yes i get angry sometimes but i also love and laugh. And it is because I am political that I can do this. Politics is the hammer that defends us from the attacks of the system and the only reason Im here today joking and being funny is becuase Im political. I may not know any othe reality, but im happy with the reality i know and would not trade it for a million mansions, cars or decadent bourgoise trappings.

offing pigs, burning prisons and correct method of organizing

27 Dec

Last night i did a serious 5 hour critisim and self critism session where I asked myself do I needlessly put myself in danger? I anaylised my action throughout the last two years and realized that my method of political organization is basicly correct and whatever serious rsiks i take as part of the movement are the only options that I have given the circumstances.

People who dont see the problems that I face as an organizor are quick to jumpt to conclusions that I am either a crazed dictator who forces people to do what I want or that I am an anarchist who does whatever I want. Both analysis are incorrect. When organizing under constant attack one does not have the luxury to hold open congresses or public meetings or other such things. One must organize based on the concreate reality that one is facing. In the case of Guelph, the liqudation of Pflug Back as an organizor was a sever blow to the movement. The tragetting of our base of support for arrest also struck a blow, as did the arrest of girr and other organizors. Given these circumstances our capacity for meetings and acting in the pre g20 days is virtually immpossible. Add to this the devection from our movement of those who blame our repression on ourselves and are quick to repudiate our politics so that they may get funding to run programs that we ourselves started, getting badly needed funding from groups that would make our organization stronger. Why did opirg guelph choose to fund these groups for there free meal programs that we started while we have to pay for our food programs out of our pocket. Its no accident that at the hight of the occupy movement and preparing for our election aaron samuels, a solid guy and key organizor was arrested. its no accident that first myself, then kelly the giir got targetted for arrest. SOS as an organization use to have meetings, plan things and implement them. Now due to legal reasons and the fact that most of us are poor, homeless looking for places meetings are hard to have. Why did the crown say if you want to hang with kelly you must quit SOS? because SOS as an organization was marked for liquidation. For The People, an open anti poverty anti colonialist organization is running a minimulist program due to economic neccessity and the fact that Key people , myself included are up on charges. But this program is still run.

So we dont have open meetings, how do we organize in a democratic method, several people have been forced to become the centre, ask other people in the group there opinion and based on this attempt to implement our minimulist program in the face of repression. Despite the fact that we are doing this people just love to critisze us, call us all sorts of names and say we are not acting democraticly. I would love nothing more then to have weekly meetings seta solid program where we are all at the table. The material conditions dont allow this to happenned. Yet we still ran myself in the election and put forward the callout for occupy. We still do our sunday programs, maybe not on time but we still refuse to become liquidated. In terms our my resent charges, i feel i have been targetted not because of what i said but because of what i organize. Why was the opp on my website, what other survelliance is there. If i wasnt arrested for this there would be another excuse.

In kitchener the problem is the same, organizors are targetted, repression increases, people are so desperate economically facing there own problems and dealing with the day to day violence that the only way desisions are made are over coffe or the forced centre must hunt people down and ask there imput to draw up a program. Yet programs are drawn up, desisons are made and implemented. One anarchist comrade use to always accuse me of using fucked up tactics, after chilling with us for some time she now uses the same tactics and is true spot collective cadre. By rejecting her background, burning her bridges and truely living among the people. she realises how hard it is to organize under these conditions and now critisizes those anarchists who attack us for maintaining there priveledge and not realizing we are fighting to build socialism with our own bodies.

The call from liberals and do gooders, reject your politics and become another soup kitchen flys in the face of all our sacrifice and victories. People during election debates cheer not cause im a good speaker but because i refuse to reject our politics, which is what draws people to the movement and gives us something to live for. our politics is our hammer to smash that which attacks us and without our politics we are nothing.

The other thing that people attack us for is that our slogans start hate. Open your eyes the hate is already here. Go down cederhills and see. People hate cops, hate prisons and hate explotation. The simplest way to explain our politcis is do you hate cops, landlords, cas and bosses? When people answer yes, we ask who should be the desision makers? We should. When we choose a slogan like burn the prisons down we are not actually calling on people to do this because A. there are prisoners in the prisons B. they will get insurance money and build better ones. So logically its not true but emotionally it is. When they say in the 6 counties ” those 14 men in derry are the last that you will bury they are putting forward a slogan to be emotionally true anyone from Northern Ireland knows that thousands have died since bloody sunday, yet this slogan appeals to peoples hearts. So with slogans like “off the pigs” we are not calling on people to shoot cops, which would be suicide but bringing people into the movement by attracting them to the fact that we fight, playing off there natural class hatred and then once in the movement teaching them to love and serve the people. The purpose of a slogan is not necessary to be factually correct but to have a saying that unifys all people you are organizing and using it as a rallying cry to bring in as many people as possible, then taking them beyond a simple slogan and creating organizors.

People join because we are fighting. If they simply wanted free food they would go to the soup kitchen and get a meal, as oppossed to opening up themselves to repression and attack. People join us becuase we show the way forward and as long as one cadre remains standing we will continue to fight. Discussions of having mass meetings where everyone can attend are pointless, a true revolutionary acts based on there material conditions and will adapt to any curcumstance, as long as they dont change there politics and stay in touch with the people. Yes there is alot of fuck up shit we face, and not only from the cops but sometimes from each other as oppressed people trying to survive, yes we may come off as scary and always in crisis but we survive thrive and resist. That is how we fight. That is how we win.

My last good christmas

25 Dec

So today was an iteresting day that went downhill very fast. Cant wait to get out of here and have a few fucken drinks, go to bed and forget Christmas even exists. To those who will drink with me tonight, dont worry will be in a good mood, already let go of most of my anger.

My day started with joking and annoying people and argueing, of all things, about Stalin. Some good friends came to see me and we were joking about court and shit and how the crown didnt want to give me disclosure etc. We agreed to hook up later and kick it over some rum etc. I go home to do the “family thing and all hell breaks lose. My brother starts talking all sorts of shit, and im like trying to ignore him, my dad wakes up and starts yelling about some mundane bullshit and we go at it. I look my little brother in the eye and am like remember what i did to a certain family member when I was a YO, well thats nothing compared to what I want to do you and what i will if you dont shut up. Then he starts talking shit that psychiatrists use to tell me when I was a kid, that i am guilty of my moms death, so i lose, then he yells all the bullshit about why did i go to the g20, why didnt i take down the blog etc. I respond by saying what i always say fuck you you stupid peace of shit and it escalates, my sister, of all people trys to deescalte by saying its time to sing the song of the star. But the only star we have is a red commie star of mine so we laugh sing the song of the star and shit calms down. But its all fake, the elephant in the room is the missing chair. Last christmas i slepptthrough it woke up the next day and went to Norwood. You cant fix something that is broken and you cant go back and wish things were the way they were. Which is why i dont want in anyway to hook up with any of my ex’s that i left on bad terms with. All i can do is send personal blogs which i hope 2 post saying where i fucked up, not to fix things, but as an apology and acknowledging the role they played in shaping who i am. For me the last happy Christmas was Dec. 25th 2009. im not saying i wont be happy on Dec. 25th anymore, im saying i must create something new, cause to me there is no fixing what is broken.

i got back from inuvik several days before that, and of course khalid wanted to take us to the bar, after four hundred dollars worth of booze, me and kelly found a way to get to guelph. My friend, who sells pirated porn agreed to drive our drunken asses there. We squeezed in between copies of movie titled the sausage factory and other such shit. The torch shit was going on in diffrent cities and people were pumped. I went to a stupid meeting that i dint want to go to where a certain activist said what i thought was insulting, khalid kept telling me what an ass he is and other shit he said about me that he probably didnt say but i didnt give a fuck , cause i was in ontario with Kelly and my boys and we were kicking it. On christmas day Kelly was sitting at the table with us, my sister cooked some weird stuff, we were eating and my little bro was making jokes, me and kelly went upstairs and i said it was wierd to hook up in my parents house so we did everything but PIV. We looked into each others eyes, why she kept on petting my hair saying sheeet sheeet sheet 9its an inside joke) Several days later My sis drove me to the airport to get to inuvik and me and kelly kept hugging each other not wanting to let go. That Christmas was my last Christmas and all the carols or family dinners with a missing chair and all that stuff wont bring tha christmas back. Just like me and Kelly are done. Me and Christmas are done and there is no going back. i will remember the good christmass’s i had and have found memories but I can never go back to that space in time, only forward. It doesnt mean I wont do cool shit on Dec. 25th, we need to start our own new traditions after all, and i plan to start one tonight, it just means i wont try to relive absurd fantasys of the past.