it sucks doing the right thing

11 Jan

So an ex co accussed of mine calls me up, hes a bit worried about what im going through and decides to take me out for a drink. We walk into this old hole in the wall, and the bar owner, who i know kicks us out before we even order our first drink (i havent been there since 2010), the excuse he gives is that we had a bright orange bag, but later it turns out that he was approuched by pigs to give info on me and didnt want the heat,

we walk out and i joke damn thats the first time we get kicked out of a pub before we even order a drink, my friend laughs, and im like have you ever seen the movie “battlle of Algiers, remember the scene in the shopping mall with the wimmin that leave there bags there and they go off boom……hes like fugg off julian, im sure a joke like that is two more months……

We go to this other pub and order two rum and cokes and we start talking about people who we think are cute and make small talk for awhile, we order another drink and he asks how my court stuff is going, i give him an update that jury trial is in September and between now and then i need to keep myself out of shit. We joke about the impossability of that and I start talking about campaighns and political shit thats going on and though we are laughing, the laughter is kinda strained. im like it fucken sucks when you have to do the right thing, cause you know what the consequences are and they suck. We both know its a matter of time before i get arrested for some shit before my trial, and the chances of me getting bail are slim. We start talking about the intensification of the repression, and the few close calls i have had so far.

i go out for a smoke and i see a survellence vans, kinda illistrating my point, but dont bring it up cause theres no need to intensify his worrying about me. We order another drink and i tell him to sip this one slowly cause we dont want to get sloshed. We talk some more and he walks me home.

i start thinking about the cost of organizing, the pressures on not just myself but others, and all the arguements i have gotten into over it, especially the fact that i am on charges still doing direct action, still on the streets, as a police target who are just waiting for me to slipp up. i think about all the serious arguements I have had and friends i have lost over this, The hours i have spent over the phone argueing about my courtroom tactics, my refusal to get a lawyer, the fact that i am still putting myself at risk and other such things. its at the point now where i even refuse to have a conversation about tactics that I use without me snapping. I know that what I am ingaging in is dangerous, i know Im putting myself at risk, I know that im probably going to get arrested way before my trial on some other bullshit charge because of my political actions and know most of the critisms my ex friends make around this issue. i just dont want to hear it, to be reminded of it or told by others shit i worry about all the time.

Given that fact why do I do it ? Because it is the right thing to do and though i am not a man of courage i am a man of conviction and believe that we all have an obligation to do what is right no matter what the cost. our victories and the fact that we have the power to affect change through our tactics is proof of this. The alternative, to sit down and do nothing is at best rationalization at worst selfishness. Given the fact that things have seriously intensified in terms of strugglle in the downtown core is more reason to fight, and I have no choice but to participate because it is hypocritcal to disengage yourself from a movement you helped create at the moment of intensification of strugglle because of fears of your own saftey and sit on the sidelines while others are risking theres.

Furthermore the victories and gains we have and are making greatly ouweight the freedom of one individual, even if that individual is you.

The people are fighting and i will fight alongside with them not because I have corage but I have conviction that what we are doing is right and that we will win. This outwieghns any insecurities i may or may not feel.


2 Responses to “it sucks doing the right thing”

  1. leanne flynn January 12, 2013 at 1:01 am #

    Again I am moved by your words, Sir. Thank you. You can remain outside of prison until September, and after that. To organize and protest against social injustice is a right that we have. It is challenging to maintain our tempers when situations in our province are so violent, and cruel. My town was a violent little town when I grew up, and has it ever calmed down. I’m some proud of that town. I trained every six months in CPI for a few years when I worked in crisis intervention. Non violent crisis prevention and intervention is what the CPI stands for. Doesn’t seem like much the first time you take the course, but every time you take it, you learn so much. I was an expert years ago at one man and two man restraints and holds, and worked fulltime and on call in some of the most violent locations in Canada. I miss being that well prepared to help in times of conflict. If you ever get a chance to get that course, go for it. There are organizations near you, I’m sure that offer that training. Best to be on a volunteer or on-call list for a business, and then they pay for that. If that’s impossible, some organizations actually would allow you to take the training cheaper than you can take it alone, just to fill a class for their employees. If you talked your local library, or other place of business into booking the course for their employees, they might let you take it, too? Once or twice I was in just the right place at just the right time as an ordinary person in a potentially violent situation, where I was sure a person was armed and dangerous, and I credit that training for the avoidance of conflict- and the other people, of course! lol- can’t forget them, either! I have also been a pretty scary person myself in times of rage. Not often, thank goodness. Sorry, my holiday cards are soooo late, but I do intend to write to you soon. I only got out once over the holidays and didn’t mail them, now I heard the postage went up this week, so I guess I’ll add a stamp to my stack of envelopes and get them out this week. Here’s a right strange one for you, I decided to write to Queen Elizabeth, and only had six international stamps. I was pretty tired and sick, and got a little confused, so not even kidding my letter to the Queen has a fancy label over top of Marian Price McGlinchey’s name, and Marian’s letter has a fancy label over top of Martin Corey’s name. It’s not legal to lift the stamps, but is alright to relabel the envelope if they haven’t been mailed yet. Just struck my funnybone somehow. Aiden Grew has no fancy label on his, but I thought he was important to write to. Do you remember reading about his arrest? It was bizarre. I had forgotten until someone reminded me. I’ll write to Martin as soon as I have more stamps. Hope they are doing alright. I should send you a copy of the cd of information that I have on Canadian prison conditions from Freedom of Information requests. See what we can do, eh? Thanks again for your writing. Oh, how I miss my pubs. Do you know Failte’s in Toronto? Mississauga maybe. Great place. Great owner. Great food. Great times. If you can find the Square One Mall, you’re there. Right off the 401 I think. You can walk there from the Square One parking lot, but it’s hard to see- like in the ground floor of a higher rise office or apartment building. Hard to explain. Check it out if you get a chance. The owner wouldn’t remember me, but he spent a little time chatting and coaching me on my Gaelic. Worth the drive when they have a band playing- great patio in the nice weather.

    • leanne flynn January 12, 2013 at 1:28 am #

      I am printing off files right now, and could send you my file on the Bruce Power nuclear leak if you want it. The meeting minutes and criminal reports are very disgusting. I’ve shared them all over, and was hoping that Steven Harper would be arrested by now. Not sure what’s going on there. I wasn’t sure I would make the drive to Ottawa, but a friend and I were actually thinking about just getting in the truck and going there last week. I have a mailing address for sending greetings or supplies to Attawapiskat that I can give you, too. The fact that they are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY seems to get forgotten even now. I should give you my number 519 373 4908.

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