A few days ago I was talking to a friend and she was telling me that as a result of her association with myself and another comrade she was being targetted by the police and that she felt very intimidated, the fact that this woman has three kids makes here more vulnerable then most and in the states bags of dirty tricks this particular trick is one i find very hard to deal with as its one thing if they target you or arrest you or beat you and quite another thing when because of the actions that you take others are attacked targeted intimidated and hurt simply because of their association with you. over the last few months several friends and loved ones have pretty much stated that as a result of state intimidation they dont feel comfortable meeting with me or hanging out getting coffee or being seen with me as a result of this and though I am sad that these people are temporarily not in my life it is understandable and I hold no grudge against them.
I think back to the repression after the G20 when people with addictions whom i worked with got severe intimidation and pressure to make up shit and testify against me and as a result of them not doing it they were handed serious time eg. two years for trafficking for splitting a dilada tablet with someone etc etc. and when i publicly talk about that period I talk about people being so loyal to the cause that they would not break etc. but the question that I never publicly ask is do I have the right to ask of friends comrades and people who I work with to have to face that sort of repression simply because of there association with me, in other words do I have the right not only to ruin my life but drag others down with me.
Regardless of how one looks at it repression myself and others face doesnt just impact the individual but also those around and although this tactic of targeting people in ones live who are vulnerable because they have something to lose be that a kid or something else is a sick tactic but one that is effective because it strikes at the heart of what we are are doing and our humanity, do we have the right to drag others into harms way because we are selfish and feel we need friends and people we care about in our lives and in terms of mass work that meets the needs of the community what purpose does it serve to stop harm from addictions when the repression we bring down may cause more harm and damage.
Usually when I write this is the point where i work out an answer and everything seems sorted unfortunately i really dont have an answer and saying that its the fault of the state or people know what they are getting into or any other sort of rationalization is just that a rationalization and doesnt really hold water and no its not an issue of being sad or feeling bad or something that words can sort its a concrete problem that needs to be dealt with and simple rationalizations will not negate the guilt we ourselves as willing actors must hold in this. We know resistance leads to repression, we know that no state will sit back and let us undermine it we know there are consequences yet we choose to act anyways.
Yet I also know that things will get worst esp. with the new anti terror bill being passed dirty tricks will become more acceptable and normalized, I know that the present situation is unacceptable as people are forced to sleep in -30 temperatures and beds are unavailable while the rich get pay hikes, I know that doing nothing is not an option as whatever crumbs thrown to us in the past off the tables of the rich are being taken away and infrastructure and institutions are being dismantled, as the song says if we do nothing now well then soon there will be nothing at all, this is a reality and maybe it is simply a matter of hardening our hearts and making it an issue of the lesser evils. Maybe to defeat a monster a small part of us must learn to act like a monster after all one of the reason that good never wins is because good always plays fair and is guided by some sort of morality that binds its hands. For myself I never really think of myself of a good guy more like a damaged person fighting against what is too fucked to do nothing about. Maybe this is just after all collateral damage and thinking too much on this allows them to win.
Still I think one of the ways in which the state proceeds in this way is through isolating people, making them feel they are alone and as such fucking them up. This at least is one thing we can identify as a problem and try to solve. The other thing is that the state like to do this in the dark and shining a light on this could be a way to make them back. Building support infrastructure court support etc is crucial, as well as networks of support for those who are targeted etc so people know they dont stand alone and showing the state that we will not leave anyone behind is also crucial. This may not solve the dilemma but its a start